poem draft
Living in a place with no one to play with
People thinking
you’re the meanest person around
People don’t know how nice you can be.
Coming out of a quiet neighborhood
Where the only house you hear is mine
Me yelling all the time
Having fun but people think of me as a mean man
Breaking things is my thing but in the end its perfectly
fixed
Looking across the street you see so many little kids having fun
And when you ask to play they run
but at the end of the day they come to see that your a really nice and sweet person
that they couldent see
Looking across the street you see so many little kids having fun
And when you ask to play they run
but at the end of the day they come to see that your a really nice and sweet person
that they couldent see
Hi souza. good idea and character choice. You need to reread your poem though, and really work on your word choice. A lot of things such as the use of "what they see" are repetitive. Good job tho
ReplyDeleteoh yeah make more of a personal connection but i could tell it was wreck it ralph that's good
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan. Good start on your poem, I could get pass who you were alluding to. However, go over your poem again because there are lines that do not really apply to you. Try to input more of an connection that shows your character.
ReplyDeleteWithout reading other students' comments I wouldn't have guessed "Wreck It Ralph." You need to be more effective in your descriptions and how it represents you. Incorporate more allusion and make a deeper connection. Go beyond the basic descriptions "nice and sweet person" "how nice you can be". Also there is person shifts (i.e., you, me). AS(1+)
ReplyDelete